And it continues...

I wore the dress. The one purchased back in November. It has black stones on the neckline and a chic sheath shape. I love it. It loves me. I swear if it had a voice it would praise the way the dress seems to be tailor made for me. In my months of absence several things have changed.

I have had to push back the date of my pay-off deadline because I got accepted into a teaching program! What does that mean? Summer training will be unpaid until its end, or up until a month after. So I have had to shift all of my "extra" money into savings because I won't be paid for up to three months! I hope to have this money saved by June 15, and with 3/4 of it already in the bank, that doesn't seem like TOO much of a stretch. It seems that the training will begin only a week later, so let's hope that all goes well.

Sadly, I have caved a few times more since my last post. I've bought a few sweaters and tops, a dress, two pairs of pants, and two pairs of shorts. The shorts I bought are for summer school teaching since we have to look "professional" and I figured a denim mini probably wouldn't cut it in the classroom. I haven't bought shoes in a while, which is so foreign to me. The last time I had a shoe purchase was probably in April 2009 (wow, a year ago!) when I went to Atlanta and fell in love with studded leather strappy sandals.

I'm still a fan of saving. Since abandoning this blog, I went into hyper financial study mode and decided to create goals after I begin my teaching career. Goals that include buying a house that has a basement that I'll convert into an apartment to rent out, getting a new car (eventually since the one I have costs more to fix than it's worth) that I can pay off in 3 years but keep for 10, invest in stocks, mutual funds, and ETFs, have an emergency account, and open my retirement account.

First thing up: file my taxes.

I "Choo"se You!

I fell victim. There were several witnesses. One of whom is an amazing friend. Too bad she had to see me like this.

It was supposed to be innocent. Get there early. Check out a couple of things. Be in and out. No one would get hurt and no damage would be done.

Until I got there.


After meeting with Stephanie in L'Occitaine (or however you spell it), we went to H&M to see the Jimmy Choo clothes. Too bad that there's no Jimmy Choo for H&M within 200 miles of DC. We didn't leave empy handed. I was happy and simultaneously defeated as I carried 9 items into the dressing room: seven dresses, a sweater, and a top. Proud and simultaneously guilty as I carried the two winners to the cash register. A grey sheath dress with black stones on the neckline and black boatneck sleeveless empire waist dress. Both for work, both classy yet sexy enough to transition to happy hour. $99 on the DOT. No change as I had my bank card handed back to me. But as I slid the card back into my wallet, I felt no remorse. I'd fallen in love with those dresses and they were strong pieces. No excuses just dresses. And I put $100 into my savings account. Another shirt from Forever 21 and I was done. I had to stop. It would have been easy to take my credit card and buy the platform caged booties by Steve Madden Luxe that were on clearance at Nordstrom. It would have been simple to take a bunch of shirts to the Express register and use my Express card to have new work clothes. But I was able to refrain enough to not get EVERYTHING that I wanted. Refrain enough not to go out for Black Friday sales and purchase anything. Refrain enough to not even order take out, delivery, or restaurant food in I don't even know how long without the money already set aside.

Splurge of the last week: "New Moon" ticket and dinner at Chili's afterwards. Total spent for the night: $25 for dinner and a movie con mis amigas!

Stay tuned for pics from my attempt to wear clothes with tags or clothes that haven't been worn in at least a year...

The Weekend Cometh...

This week was a little.....boring? I guess the more euphemistic way of looking at it was that it was very relaxing. I actually took the time to stay home, cook dinner, watch TV, and work on my teaching application. I found out that (yay!) one of my tutoring students, whose last session was Wednesday, really does want me to tutor on a more regular basis --- 3 times per week! And if that wasn't enough, two other new students have requested tutoring sessions. Is it crazy to have four part-time jobs? I found out that Macy's is hiring for the holiday season so I'm tempted to apply there so I can make a couple hundred extra bucks during the cold months. Doesn't sound like a lot, but it would pay off my, ironically, Macy's credit card. We'll see what my new financial advisor says though when I meet with her next weekend.

I'm pretty friggin' proud of myself for one big thing though: I didn't eat out ONCE this week. I made my lunch and brought it to work with me every day, sometimes even bringing breakfast. And at home for dinner I broke out my skillet, Foreman grill, and boiling pots for a week of steak and oriental veggies, red pepper chicken with yellow rice, turkey tacos and Spanish rice, and lo mein. Hot Pockets and the classic Ramen noodles helped curb cravings. And I rediscovered my love for (the very cost-efficient) hot tea. This week was all about Tahitian Vanilla Hazelnut with two shots of whole milk. And I had forgotten that I had a shot of amaretto liquer and also a shot of mango rum left, so I took my pineapple juice and mixed it with each of the liquors for two consecutive nights of nightcapping.

The best deal I found this week: www.restaurant.com provides discounted gift cards to some of the area's restaurants, cafes, and lounges. I'm seriously considering a $20 gift card that has a $50 value for either Creme Cafe, which has FANTASTIC southern cuisine, or Taste of Morocco, which I've been itching to try since it's up the street from my apartment.

Another website I learned about: www.groupon.com. It sends you a daily coupon to whatever the day's special offer is. I was too late (darn it!) to get the Zengo $50 gift card for $25, but there's usually a pretty good deal sent each day.

And finally, Operation Wear Things With Tags got off to an awesome start. On three different days I wore things that still had tags on them. Watching my money has caused me, forced me in a way, to be more creative with the way I style myself. It's fun and frustrating because I can't just go out and buy something if my closet seems too much like a syndicated sitcom (repeated so often that only a few things remain to be good because you've seen it so much). For the first time I wore tights with peep-toe shoes, a trend I was nervous to try, and it turned out fantastically.

This weekend is the first time I'll be spending money in a week on something unnecessary. A ticket to a hip hop dance performance. I haven't been to a dance show in almost a year and I've been in mourning over missed arabesques and krumpin'. Today, though, is all about taking care of what's mine (cleaning the apartment, cleaning out my car) and working on my fashion file.


Blessings...

This Month's Goal

In an effort to not shop as much, I vow to create work outfits ahead of time every day this month. And I vow to wear at least five things in my closet that I've never worn before or haven't worn in at least a year. And I'll catalog those outfits here online. (The one above is an experiment with Halloween makeup for my Mad Max costume. Not bad, huh?)

Yesterday was an amazing experience. I went to my alma mater's counseling center and received some good resources for this journey that I'm on. I figured out that a lot of my spending habits come from my inability to organize and be diligent when it comes to things that require effort, attention, and detail. Unfortunately, these are the characteristics my father embodies that I CANNOT STAND!!!! It drives me crazy to watch him buy iced coffee for almost $3 at McDonald's when there are two cans and a package of coffee sitting in the refrigerator (yes, this is when I visit home since I no longer live there). Or the fact that he bought a brand new motorcycle and then rode it maybe three times. Or to know that everyone on his side of the family is in some amount of huge debt or overspending habit. My mom's side of the family, despite their craziness, all seem pretty financially responsible. My only blood uncle is easily one of my favorite people on the planet. He was able to almost completely buy a brand new car outright, which was amazing to me. Because he makes good money, but not astounding money. And he bought himself a house, goes on vacations, owns collectible art, and has a super active social life. Not to mention he built himself a music studio in the attic of his house and has all of the latest techie gear.

We also realized that I invest in men when I should invest in myself. Every time I'm on a good path, I get distracted by a new guy or the return of an old one. I buy dresses for dates, makeup to look good, pants for work so that if we meet up after, my ass still looks good. Yes, I admit it!!!!! And when things go sour, my self-esteem falters and I'm back at the store with a credit card and determination to not be upset anymore because I have the power to buy this outfit!!! And really, I render myself powerless by succumbing to that weakness. I always thought I'd be at least in a really strong, stable, passionate relationship at this age, in a job I love with great benefits, and a townhouse or at least a nice apartment.

So, where do I go from here? Well, my counselor can't counsel me because I'm no longer a student. But she referred me somewhere that has super cheap yet super effective counseling. And we talked about me exploring the old things that made me happy so that regardless of whether or not I have a man, I can maintain a confident sense of self and a core financial plan, with good financial responsibilities. And that way I won't use "exercising my power through use of money" whenever things aren't going so well.

And one last thing: I just discovered that my Borders Rewards Perks membership gets me access to restaurants who offer $10 gift cards for $4, $20-25 gift cards for $10, and even one of my favorite lounges offers $75 gift cards for $30. Time to have fun on the cheap!

And so it begins......

Today was a small test of the beginnings of this project. I am trying to make an earnest effort to get out of debt and get out of this crazy spending circle that I get into, especially when the men in my life also seem to go in crazy circles. I'm not Carrie Bradshaw, so there won't always be funny puns, witty metaphors, or melodramatic revelations, but there will be a young woman taking an honest look at her life and who will try to stop relying on money, appearance, and men as the determinants of the success of life.

So it started today. I stayed in the house most of the day. Took advantage of the On Demand function of my cable. Actually ate the frozen waffles I bought two weeks ago. Store brand, a sacrifice that probably seems so small but when you've grown up on Aunt Jemima's waffles for consecutive Sundays since you were old enough to pour your own syrup, names can become a big deal. It's like buying a dress from Target that looks like the Diane Von Furstenburg geometric print wrap dress that you saw in the latest Elle: you know it really shouldn't make a difference because it still serves the same purpose and satisfies you in the same way, but for some reason, you just feel like it would be even more special if you just had a different label on it.

And the way it ended: an invitation to go out with the girls. Last night, the night that will be referred to as Last Call, involved a 10-minute search for parking, 10-minute wait in line, 30-minute wait for my friend to arrive, and $20 for subway fare for the week immediately disposed to pay for the club cover charge, was the final night I was able to have non-meticulously planned fun. So tonight, when invited to hang out with some of my fave ladies, I was hesitant. Drinks at our favorite late night happy hour. Drinks sounds rather harmless, monetarily, but add in gas, food and tip, and it's not so pretty. So here's how it went down: I had enough time to make dinner beforehand, so I made that (drumsticks marinated for 4 hours in a special salt rub and a side of sauteed oriental vegetables), filled up on soda, and drove out to TGIFriday's, my former place of employment and current venue for the bday celebration. I ordered the happy hour mozzarella sticks, another soda, and loaded up on conversation. It was fantastic. Two hours of swapping stories with my girlfriends, singing happy birthday with a Whole Foods fresh fruit cheesecake, and getting free financial advice from a money whiz sorority sister (who willingly volunteered to be my financial advisor during this process!). And in the end, the waiter only charged me for the mozzarella sticks, $3.97 (happy hour price of $3.75 plus tax), and I gave him a $1.53 tip (hey, that's almost 50%). Consider the approximate $2.00 I spend on gas and it all comes out to a fantastic night out for under $10.00.

Tomorrow: free one-time counseling (I need to wrap my mind around my issues) at my alma mater, picking out clothes for the entire week, planning out this week's meals, and figuring out cost-effective ways to keep my mane maintained, which I like to call "Mane"-tenance.

I feel triumphant, but I also feel a little self-conscious. My friends all know what I'm going through and they're fully supportive. It's a little hard though being the person at the table who has the $4 check when everyone else's is $15+ because it just makes it seem like you're poor. I don't want them to worry about me. And I don't want judgment either. I feel like I'm on a good path (especially having withstood the temptation to go shopping since I know that the sales are going to start getting good). I must confess though: I will probably be doing three rules-bending things this month:

1) Getting an item or two from the Jimmy Choo for H&M collection
2) Purchasing a ticket to "New Moon"
3) Buying a pair of moderate-heel black boots for work (more on the rationale for that later...)


Goodnight, people!

Redic

As my fantastic friend Stephanie would say, "This is redic." Meaning, in case you don't have the slang or household inhabitant of a twelve-year-old, "This is ridiculous." Twice, in the same week, in the same store, albeit in separate locations, I felt like I was going to cry from sheer self-pity. The weight of an unimportant decision loomed over my head like one of those clouds above some poor self-reflective teenager in an afterschool special. There I am, a level-headed 26-year-old holding two dresses for events that I'll probably never attend, wondering which of the two I should sacrifice to the gods of H&M. Mind you, H&M, a massive retail store who sells very of-the-moment yet budget friendly fashions to fruganistas like moi, has countless replications of these two dresses --- both short, sleeveless, impossibly fitted, and guaranteed to make you the "girl in the [insert bold color here] dress" who has the men flocking. But for some reason, I sit in my dressing room, stand on the store floor, and lean against the mannequinned wall wondering, "Which one do I give up?", as if it's a decision equivalent to choosing Harvard or Princeton (which, I swear, would be much easier, because Harvard is a no-brainer, at least for me).

This wouldn't be so melodramatic if I didn't already have eight other dresses in my closet with the tags on them still (two with more than three years worth of closet-hangingness). And it also wouldn't be so bad if I'd worn the other dozen dresses more than once. But alas, no. I stand in the retail giant trying to argue with myself that no other dresses make a) my rear look as curvaceous and perky, b) my rack look as voluptuous as Kim Kardashian's, c) my body look as balanced as Eva Mendes', and d) my color seem as bright and honey-colored. And, even a week later, I will confess: this is all true. None of my other dresses are as slammin' as these two. But, surprisingly, I fling them back onto the rack in a haste of "This is REDIC" and proceed to the counter with two other, more rational and multifunctional, items that have been hiding under the crook of my arm during my half-hour deliberation. They are a grey sleeveless glen plaid shift dress with a slight cowl neckline and patent leather belt (timeless, yet Mad Men sex appeal) and a black pocketed cardigan with a removable faux fur neckline. It's that effortless chic that Rachel Zoe is always talking about achieving, that I felt I actually could achieve in this item.

I should have walked out triumphant, confident in the fact that I'd bought items that can multitask and withstand the fleeting emotions of fashion. Instead, I felt a pounding in my chest, a pressure behind my eyes, and a jitter in my fingers. It had come like this before. And as I ran to my rental (by the way, yes! My car has been found!) I knew there was only one thing to do: call Stephanie. I was pre-panic attack and I needed a rational, tell-it-like-it-is-in-a-nice-but-firm-way friend at that moment. I was delighted to hear her answer on the third ring, and, after 45 minutes of self-reflection, realized that I'm still that high school girl who thinks that having the right clothes, hair, and makeup will make me successful, as I often imagined the "Elite Four" of the senior class to be. As others present themselves on television to be. As the media, and ordinaries on the streets of Georgetown and U Street, present themselves to be.

The whole process made me feel shallow. And made me wonder what the hell I'm doing with myself. I was the girl who, even though I loved fashion and wished I could afford the Coach bags that several friends in high school flaunted, preferred to dress in "Tees and Timbs" as Justin Eldridge-Otero so succinctly put it, if it meant that I could get a few more books on my shelves and bus fare to open mic nights. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT GIRL? Psychologists will tell you, "She grew up. And the expectations and preconceptions of the real world set in." I'd prefer to go with what my mama says, "You lost yourself. You spent so much time thinking about what you SHOULD look like instead of BEING who you SHOULD be."

To counteract all of this, I've added a new stipulation to the Unbroke(n) Project: be happy in who I am. I don't know the exact process in going about this, but I do know that it doesn't involve buying dresses I don't have any place to wear them to. Especially when I'll just end up thinking about how I should have just put that money towards a bill. And it'll also involve the release of expectations of others and the embrace of expectations of myself.

Break Your Money-taker

Swapped spending money for making money today. I set up all of my tutoring sessions for one of my tutoring students. And I stayed in the house, opting to make food and sort clothes instead of going to the club and buying drinks (I say this as a glass of rum and pineapple juice is nestled in the crook of my arm as I type this post). Today was spent tutoring and enjoying the height of Jon Hamm's forehead on disc 2 of my Mad Men catch-up DVDs. A quiet, simple day that should have ended with some company but instead ends with some Cruzan. Hey, at least it was free since it was already in the fridge!